Thought Catalog

All of these statements about male celebrities, brought to you by no one.

Tommy Lee Jones

“Oh my god, Tommy Lee Jones is such a rude bitch. Why can’t he just smile? Is that so hard? When I see him, I just want to slap that smirk off of his face. And did you see his hair in Lincoln? Just atrocious. Who does Tommy Lee Jones think he is?”

Ashton Kutcher

“Did you hear that Ashton Kutcher cheated on his wife? What a slut. Why would he ever cheat on Demi Moore? He can never do better than her. Let’s make t-shirts that advertise what a whore he is. I wonder if he’ll ever get a job again or if this will hurt his career. Now that everyone knows he’s a tramp, who’s going to take him seriously?”

Jonah Hill

“Jonah Hill used to be a tractor-sized, obese humungous…

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