You’re New

I sat across from you and next to him. So quickly, I was comfortable laughing and joking along. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time. We looked at each other a lot, daringly, boldly. after awhile, the table was packed so I had to crawl over it to get to the bathroom. You walk up and suddenly we’re making out. I don’t know. I was too drunk at that point. I just know it happened. We went to another party and eventually him and I lost you.

The next day you message my on facebook. I judge, that’s quick. In the back of my mind, I like it. You invite me out and I grudgingly accept. You pick me up in your vintage-y Volvo. Volvo’s too similar to vulva. You can talk. I like that, especially since I tend to be reserved. We get to your apartment and then we’re playing beer pong with your roomate, 2 on one, listening to nineties and classic rock. We’re all dancing. I’m happy. I’m fucking happy. We walk to a party and I hold your hand so I don’t loose you. Your roommate and I laugh and talk to strangers will you fight your way to the bathroom. I try to be your roommate’s wingman, but it’s a sausage fest.

You and I go out onto the crowded porch. We look at each other and kiss. We hear a guy sitting on the rail mutter a comment about us. I look at him, we look at each other and start passionately making out. Great minds think a like.

I tell you we’re not having sex tonight.

We go back to your apartment, talk and eat with your roommate until he goes to bed. We got up to your room and play around. No sex. We talk until 4 am. I ask you if you voted for Obama. You ask if I’m pro-choice. We say yes. I fall asleep in your arms, the first time, you tell me later, that a woman has fallen asleep in your arms. We wake up and have shower sex, then bed sex. We kiss. We kiss so much.

You take me home and I spend the day in bliss.


You Left

I lost myself in you, and not in a good way. I’m a free spirit and you tried to trap me in your neurotic box.
Who is that? Who are you texting? What did they say? Where were you? What’s taking so long?
Asked so frequently, I trapped myself in a box in order to keep you. There, though, I started striking out as wild animals often do. At first, well fed and safe from other male predators, I frolicked in my pen and gobbled up the attention. Soon I grew bored and restless. I lashed out under the immense pressure of having to constantly worry about my behavior.
You left. I cried. I stopped. I got off my bed to do something and the next minute I was laying on my floor crying so hard I couldn’t stop until I gave in and texted someone I had needed to keep at arms length for awhile. They were the only person that could calm me down. Don’t let this experience make you cold and hard like you always try to do. Don’t let it affect your future negatively.
I am free. I can hug my guy friends and kiss them on the cheek. I can tweet before replying to a text. I can flirt and blush and walk past them, smiling because I know they’re watching me walk by. I can say what I want when I want to who I want. What more could I ask for.